Fear (poem)

This is a big one I've been working on for a while...still not sold on the title.


Fear


Terrified to be an animal,
another body fed to the earth.
Unable to process ironies and
left only with this river, wildly meandering
around my ribcage.

I caught my reflection in the plastic,
highly clouded, train door window -
A small silver hair in my beard
a stark white curl.

Terrified of my soul escaping
like a fist full of wet sand
under water.
Leaving before I can figure out why
you are so unknowable.

My shadow is stretching
with the falling star, sinking
behind my favorite mirror.
And when my dark counterpart
melts into black, all the white crabs pop
out from their holes
to keep me company.

***

On the stoop of a village building,
next to the comedy club,
unpacking us with plastered grins...
a guy in our group
Oh, Thank God!
... ...
I'm not a father.
And he pockets his phone.

I have found the tumbled angels,
wings rotted and worn off.
Feathers fall in chalk lines around
the dead...
water-logged
water-boarded
or torture-induced suicide.

***

I see the city Mommy!
I see it too Mommy!
Only these two kids see.
Millions of monoliths being covered
by tempered glass
some with grooves and gargoyles.
We are all bulleting towards it.
And later,
we arrive home...

Tiredly rocking back and forth
I see the child on the beach,
could be me.
Sitting in the shallow tide,
yelling at every wave:
You can do better!
Knock me over!